Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
