YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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