just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
