My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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