you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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