They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
