I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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