he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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