There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
