I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
