I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
