is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
