Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize