If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
