plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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