I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
