I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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