Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
