Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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