I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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