If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
