its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
