6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
