I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
