I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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