I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
