1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
barbara walters just said penis...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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