I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
