...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
