At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
