No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
