I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize