shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bring money and cleavage
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
