Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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