yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
