I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
someone owes me an orgasm
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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