Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
