just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize