Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
that is very illegal...i love you.
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