I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
