I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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