I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
