I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
