Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
