so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude. I can hear the air.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
