I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
