I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im six kinds of drunk right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize