I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
