you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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