I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
