new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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