I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
