you guys were way drunker than both of me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Small penises have feelings too.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
