Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
