all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
