Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
