Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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