i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
