i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
