You smell like a Billy Joel song
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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