He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
