im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
