Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize