everyone is single if you try hard enough
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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