this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
