Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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