Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
