That's intense
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
