Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
