I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
