I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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