Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
