So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
