I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
