Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
