Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
