is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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