broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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