Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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