real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
