Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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