the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize