Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
