You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
