My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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