The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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