I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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