I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
