I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
