I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
