I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
