How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
