But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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