FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
