he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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