Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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