so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
