I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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