The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
