yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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