i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
