Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
