I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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