Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
