Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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