I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I could fuck to npr.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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