Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
