Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
