Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
