Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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