we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
